current

E

基本上是正剧（➕原著部分）Jared单人pov的一些碎碎念。

可能会有typo，但暂时没时间改了（摆烂）

起因是看见b站弹幕里一堆人对J指指点点，完全没get到音乐剧本身的立意就一通评判。（真的，去读读原著吧。书里对Evan的心理描写多一些，你就会知道他不是毫无瑕疵的“小天使”了。）

实际上总体讲Jared算是挺好理解的一个角色（比Alana Beck容易理解🤔）

如果读过原著应该会知道他曾经和Evan是竹马（某种程度上），刀子嘴豆腐心的死骄傲损友而已（有点深柜/咳咳）。至少对于我个人来说这种角色是非常有共鸣感的（此处插入对Will Roland演绎的强烈赞美👏🏻）

全音乐剧（以及全书）上讲都可以说是塑造得最立体的人物了。

本文意在模拟并阐释Jared贩剑行为背后的心理，算是某种程度上的角色平反吧）

以下为正文，文笔很烂，见谅，太久没写过东西了lol🙏🏻

                                                                                                      

"FUCK YOU EVAN!!!"

"ASSHOLE..."

There's like a zillion ways to convey a verbal insult in the English language. From the basic already-existing ones, right up to the master level where creativity just pops up randomly in conversations. 

Not to brag or anything, but I myself happen to be a pro at these. Or at least, used to be.

Waddup, weird-sex-letter-personal-blog-thingy. The name's Jared Kleinmen. 18-year-old senior, and I have, so far, never fuckin learnt to—— 

1. Communicate effectively with other human beings

And 2. Manage to form a healthy relationship.

See that pathetic loser just now? No. Not the pathetic puppy-eyed innocent-looking asshole in those weird-ass Khakis. I mean the one that just stormed off chocking in tears like a gradschool girl. That's me.

As for who I really am? No need for elaboration there. Quizz anyone with that name down the school hall, and you'll see. 

Jared Kleinmen, the kid who got his glasses flushed down in the toilet every single day since seventh grade? The gay nerd married to his laptop hard drive? Also, the literal king of sarcasm and self-isolation?

Don't try confirming the last part though. I self-entitled that one. 

People got over the glasses flushing trend real fast. Right after acknowledging Mark-dickhead-Evan-fucking-Hansen's existence when he transferred here at tenth grade. His mother somehow believed it was a good idea to put him somewhere "a little more welcoming". My parents wayed in immediately, like they always do. Trying to keep me engaged with this "highschool friendship" thing, first by threatening to sign me up on teen-camp, and now mostly using my car insurance as an excuse. And just like that, he's squeezed his way into my already miserable highschool life. 

Whoopdee. Fucking. Doo. 

Don't get me wrong. Jared Kleinmen might be a jerk, but still not shitty enough to erase his own memories. Having a frien-family friend isn't exactly something to complain about when you don't get to have a real friend yourself. You feel....needed. And it was good. At least better than having to deal with immature jocks daily, but God was he clingy when he first arrived. 

Same striped T-shirt, same old freckles, same old hairstyle. 

It wasn't long till he started hanging to me like a seven-year-old. 

"Jared! I-I um... I totally messed things up today...."“J-jared! Can i sit with you at lunch?”“Jared! Mr.Steinford kept calling me 'Mark'.”“Jared! Were those your glasses by the stalls?” The list goes on. Thankfully, i wouldn't have to actually do a list. The kid's popular now. Google up his stupid name and you'll get full details.

Ever seen those standard American highschool tv shows where the loser mc and his "best bud" stuck around together no matter what? That's exactly what we looked like when he was first here. Just the fucked-up peice of crap that he is. 

Not like it's my place to judge anyways, am i right? 

Picture——senior year Jewish kid hiding in the bathroom stalls typing some creepy sex letter thing to himself in tears. Sure. That's SO MUCH BETTER than a pale skinny nerd who's probably having, like, the time of his life right now out there with his new rich-ass adoption family and girlfriend. All because I, of all people, told him to lie. 

......

Now that I think of it, I might as well have stopped at the 'screw you' part. First lesson in cussing, or verbal insult if you like, don't add things up afterwards. If I learned anything from all those crappy documentaries he showed me before, it's that you learn from your mistakes. See how the "asshole" part started sounding all weak and pathetic? That right there, is a classic rookie mistake.

Turns out, even a self-proclaimed "pro" could get stuck in one of those 'lost-in-words' scenarios. 

Ironic, hun? 

After almost ten years of friendsh——family-friendship, you'd expect yourself to at least wind up knowing who they really are. Well guess what? NEWS FLASH! People change.

Can't be the one complaining when I practically taught him 'bout all that grown-up shit myself, now can I? 

Shortly after Junior year, people started gossiping. What. A. Twist. Like i wouldn't have expected that already, cause two guys hanging around at school together 24/7 being completely platonic "family friends" has gotta be like the most normal thing in the 21st century, right? 

Keeping social distances helps. I wouldn't say it completely rules out the "sus" tension between us, but hey, I needed my car insurance payed anyways. 

"I thought the only reason you even talk to me is because of your car insurance."

Uh-oh

“So?” Self defense activate.

“Well, maybe the only reason you talk to me, Jared——”

Shit. I know where this is going. Don't he dare.

“——is because you don't have any friends!”

......Fuck.

Took him long enough to realize it through. 

Also, bold of me to assume that he, of all people, would be smart enough to see through the surface. 

Like hell he would, Jared, you helpless fuck..... 

Face it, he only stuck withyou because he didn't have anyone else, and now that he's the shinning new star around school, you won't be of any use, any longer.

“It's true, but neither do you. That's why we stuck together, genius!” Was what I intended to say, but was eventually replaced as a trembling“I could tell everyone.....EVERYTHING...”

Oh, right. Almost forgot : words never comes out right with me. If Evan's problem is to express in general, then mine is on "how" to express. 

Like that one time when I got the perfect chance to make a great first impression in class with Evan, and just ended up making offensive jokes and laughing head over heels at some educational documentary about a historical massacre, like a total compassionless jerk. 

Guess that's kinda my on-campus persona now——Mean kid who acts like he's the shit. 

What an honor. 

“Oh yeah? Great. You do that.”

Smart move, Hansen, smart move. He can't take all the credits though——believe it or not, I taught him that.

Gotta say, feels like shit hearing my own verse hanging in the air.

“Tell everyone how you helped write e-mails pretending to be a kid who killed himself! ”

I winced. Hopefully.... not so obviously.

“FUCK YOU, EVAN!!!”

I hear myself screaming like a child.

“ASSHOLE...”

I doubt if that would ever be an appropriate last word, but offing myself sounds pretty good, now that I've officially had a reason to.

Conner Murphy might have been a broken sociopath, but he's got a point.

I mean, why the fuck not? It's gonna piss off my folks, and allow him to expand his white little lies further. Start faking my e-mails instead now that "the Conner fever" has gone out of trend.

Talking about a win-win.

So yeah. Good luck with all that, Evan. 

Good luck with being the real jerk.